I can't remember the last time I wrote or why, but I imagine it's been a while and that I was probably either lamenting the days in days out or something or other to that effect.
School is back in and that is always a fundamental reason for everything else to take a significant back seat.
I've become a personal tutor for a young woman on my campus for her physical science class on Fridays and personal tutor Eric (who has returned to college life) for algebra. Both have thus far prooved to be immensly rewarding and I find I do honestly enjoy sharing the knowledge I've worked so hard for with others so that they too can move ahead. Maybe one day they'll be able to do the same.
This semester for myself is Calc II and microecon. The latter is easy but interesting at times. Calc II is a math monster, but I have an 86% in the class after the first exam and cannot help but feel good about myself for that reason. This is my last semester of math, and I am so glad. I've been meeting new classmates and am in the process of attempting to create a study group. I attribute much of my success to simply not taking any other hard classes with it. I am SO glad to finally be done with chemistry.
Work is becoming more difficult yet again (no surprises there) though for different reasons than those of the past. My customers are still by and large mighty assholes and half the people I work with would benefit themselves and everyone if they gave a fractional shit about anything. We are implimenting a new order from regional to begin writing schedules based on a time clock software we have that measures projected sales and when the best slots are for people to fill. This has left me the last two weeks with less than 20 hours. This threatens my position in the company. The worst part is, corporate could give a shit less.
And so, I once again realize that I very badly need a new job. *sigh*
More than 10,000 service hours (plus tons of abuse and neglect) and this is the thanks I get. Good to know.
I'm considering going to the campus job services deal they have and seeing if they may be able to point me in some direction where I stand a fair chance of actually recieving employment. I've also considered pushing back my UC Davis transfer date a year to officially posess all three of my associate's degrees so I can find a better job.
So many things to consider. In the mean time, I'm broke. After writing out the finances with Eric, he and I have both come to the conclusion that the "easiest" way to make it work is to do away with our vices and eating out. That means; no meals out, no cigarettes, no beer. To say I'm ecstatic is a lie, but it's one I'm going to try and feign anyway to see if I can make it true to myself. Time will tell.
Then there's the matter of my parents. My father is dying; the COPD just gets worse. He's attempting to line himself up to be a potential case for a lung transplant. However, due to his hyperthyroid, he needs to gain weight and all attempts at doing so thus far appear to be failing. I tried calling him on his birthday but he didn't answer (and I suspect it's due to his inability to breath and accordingly, to speak.)
My mother's doctor recently called her to inform her that there's a large "growth" in her back that's "eating away at her spine" which in my mind likely indicates cancer. I don't even know what to feel about that. I've generally accepted (and yes it's fucked up) that my dad is for the most part already dead. However, to acknowledge the same for my mom is proving more difficult. As of current, she has yet to go in for testing for any conclusive evidence. It's a situation where I'll be glad if I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong.
So yes, life is still a stress train. But things carry on. I suppose it's because they must. I will follow suit and just keep doing the best I can. Where these roads lead, I have yet to say. I like to imagine that they end in some meadow which meets the end of a forest, where the light that gets in looks as though it's viewed from a tunnel... you know, that whole, "and then I saw a bright light," deal. That there is a bright light and comfort. It's silly, but I think most of us share some sort of belief in some such terms.....